Domestic violence is as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is utilize to achieve and/or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. This control entails any actions that will bring about fear, intimidation, terrorize, manipulation, hurt, humiliation, blame, injury and isolation, etc. Domestic violence does not discriminate, it is about control over a person and it can happen to anyone regardless of your race, age, economic class, marital status or gender. Many abusive partners may seem undeniably perfect in the early phases of a relationship. Remember, possessive and controlling actions do not always appear overnight, but rather develop and strengthen as the relationship continues to grow. Domestic violence is a leading cause of injury and death to women worldwide.

Statistically, one out of every four women and one out of every seven men become victims of domestic violence. Due to the frequency and severity of domestic violence in intimate relationships, that the onslaught of not only the verbal, emotional, psychological and physical abuse inhibits the victim to catch a mental break.  The repetitiveness of such abuse denies the victim’s inability to mentally evaluate the trauma event and heal before the next event occurs.  As individuals, we all have different ways of thinking, thought processing, problem solving, strength and weaknesses (physical & mental), this is also true on how PTSD symptoms varies from one person to another.

Not all the long-term effects are negative. Often a Woman dealing with domestic violence has developed incredible strengths in order to survive. To come out and move in to a new life living through years of violence is usually an extremely positive experience.”

Since every relationship is different, the appearance of domestic violence may look different in every relationship. One thing most abusive relationships have in common is to have more control and over their partner/victim.

Common signs of an abusive relationship includes:

* Tells you your worthless and you can never do anything right
* Demonstrates extreme jealousy of your friends and or time spent away
* Demonstrates extreme jealousy of your friends and or time spent away
* Isolates you from seeing/contacting friends or family members
* Insults, demeans, or shames you
* Controls every aspect of the finances in the household
* Refuses to give you money for necessary expenses
* Acts in ways that scare you or threatens to hurt or kill your pets
* Prevents you from making decisions
* Tells you that you are a bad parent, harms your children or threatens take them away
* Keeps you from working or attending school
* Destroys your property
* Threatens/hurting you with guns, knives or other weapons
* Prevents you from calling the police or getting medical assistance
* Abandoning you in unfamiliar places
* Pressures you to have sex or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
* Locks you in the house, takes phone away from you
* Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol
* Pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking you
* Forbidding you from eating or sleeping.
* Tells you your worthless and you can never do anything right
* Demonstrates extreme jealousy of your friends and or time spent away
* Isolates you from seeing/contacting friends or family members
* Insults, demeans, shames you
* Controls every aspect of the finances in the household
* Refuses to give you money for necessary expenses
* Acts in ways that scare you or threatens to hurt or kill your pets
* Prevents you from making decisions
* Tells you that you are a bad parent, harms your children or threatens take them away
* Keeps you from working or attending school
* Destroys your property
* Threatens/hurting you with guns, knives or other weapons
* Prevents you from calling the police or getting medical assistance
* Abandoning you in unfamiliar places
* Pressures you to have sex or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
* Locks you in the house, takes phone away from you
* Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol
* Pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking you
* Forbidding you from eating or sleeping

Domestic violence abusers are good at controlling and manipulating their victims. Their victims have endure emotional and or physical abused. The majority of them are often depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help getting out of the situation, yet their partner has often isolated them from their family and friends. By recognizing and noticing the warning signs, we can offer our support, we can help them escape an abusive situation and allow them to begin healing.

Domestic Violence & the Bible

Some abusers have attempted to defend or excuse abuse by wrongfully using Scripture to support their actions.  Domestic violence goes against the very nature of our Lord, who is and always points to love. The Bible views all forms of domestic violence as sin.

“The LORD trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth.” Psalm 11:5

Malachi 2:16-17 “… Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.  And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.  For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.”

The Lord is very clear as to how we suppose to treat our wife. Scriptures clearly speaks out against responding with violence.

Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” And how wife are to be with their husband.

Colossians 3:18 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Now, that is not a ticket for anyone to abuse their wife.

1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

Ephesians 4:26 – 27 “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.”

A painful truth about domestic violence is that ending a violent relationship can require navigating a complex and difficult minefield of emotional loss and loneliness. Many violent relationships endure multiple breakups and reunions. Leaving an explosive abusive relationship is not a simple choice as many who have never suffer such trauma believe it to be. Very seldom are relationships one-dimensional. Those relationships are entwine with shared history, shared dreams, and shared pain. While it is true that many abusers hold their victims captive through threats of violence, reputation destruction, financial ruin or physical danger, many victims also stay because they have lost their self-worth, their reputation damaged or destroyed. In midst of loss and pain, they feel they have no one to turn to. The one whom they thought would protect them from life’s trials has become their greatest intimate enemy

Psalm 55:4-5 “My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen on me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.” 

Psalm 55:12-14a “If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship.”

Psalm 55:22-23 “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. 
But you, God, will bring down the wicked into the pit of decay; the bloodthirsty and deceitful will not live out half their days. But as for me, I trust in you.”

In Hosea 4:6 we find these Words: My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge….  God’s calls upon His people to be a blessing, a helper, a light, and a resource to those that are lost, in need and hurting. We are God’s people with a purpose and mission. This is why our church, (BSCOG) has launched, “ReBoot, Beyond the Battlefield” Ministry to help anyone suffering from PTSD and equipping others in the body of believers on how to help others with whom they are able to reach out to. Our goal is to help church leaders, family member, friends, etc., from feeling unable to assist when someone is having a PTSD episode.

Many victims of domestic violence, who are bruised and battered in body and spirit, are looking and seeking to churches for comfort (physical and spiritual) and guidance. As such, as a community of faith, we must do more to ensure our place of worship (churches) are safe places for the survivors of domestic violence or any other type of abuse. How do we do that? By calling out, denouncing the sin of domestic violence in our churches, and allowing the Holy Spirit to bring about healing to the victims within the body of Christ. ~Dr. Tony A;varez